I offer you another recycled post about facing Fear. I wrote this two years ago during a time of transition. In hindsight I can see that 2009 was a pivotal year for me when I was learning that trying to control life (and the emotions that arise in response to it) is like trying to catch mist. As Eliza Doolittle said:
Without pulling it, the tide comes in,
Without your twirling it, the Earth can spin,
Without your pushing them, the clouds roll by…
Let go of the struggle of trying to build wings. Trust when you jump you will grow them.
I want to tell you a story which I hope will inspire and encourage.
I quit my job this past week; wrote a letter to the Board, “effective immediately.” I came into work at 9AM intending to do my job but instead spent it packing up my small office.
Was I angry? Impulsive? Stupid in this economic environment? No. No. Maybe.
No, not maybe. And let me tell you why.
I never really wanted a job – Little Lady was starting kindergarten full time, Tator was at pre-school a couple morning a week and I had PLANS. But I got afraid. Afraid we wouldn’t make it through the winter without an extra paycheck. So, a year ago I found myself looking for a job and had a horrible time finding one. I then decided not to look and to trust everything was going to be OK; it was then I was given a job.
Although I acted out of fear to begin with, I decided not to be afraid. I made a decision not to be afraid. Goethe says:
“…the moment one definitely commits oneself, then Providence [Serendipity] moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decision raising in one’s favour all manner of unforeseen incidents and meetings and material assistance which no man could have dreamt would come his way.”
And I got a job. A job I would have created for myself if I didn’t have other plans/dreams. I have learned some valuable skills, done my job well, met a wonderful new friend, supplied the family with health insurance and winter fuel…
… and figured out that my other Plans/Dreams were not about to let me give up on them.
Ten months later Plans/Dreams have become Reality. I am officially a published writer and a certified journal-writing instructor. While I plugged along at my ever-increasingly dream-thwarting job I knew my decision to stay there was one of fear – fear of success.
So, a week ago, after a invitation to be a guest on a local TV show to talk about journaling and a positive meeting with the director of a holistic wellness center where I will be teaching, I drafted an email to my boss telling her I must follow my passion. I gave her a departure date of July 2. I saved the message in my drafts to send when I felt sure of my decision.
Last Tuesday I went to work to discover everything had changed. While the tension in the office had been extremely high over the last month as a controversial change in administration was anticipated, the accountants swarming over everyone’s files was it for me. I had bigger and better things to do. I was poised on the edge of something great, afraid to jump, and here was my shove. Although a seemingly hasty move to resign “effective immediately,” my decision was rewarded immediately.
Serendipity stepped in.
The very next day I met with the director of another wellness center and found instant warmth and acceptance. I also had two phone calls resulting in more teaching engagements and an email letting me know I was to be published again.
And all this just two days after my new office was ready!
I have dreamed of being a writer, a freelance “something” for many years. I never thought my journal writing – which I would never admit was real writing – would one day become my career. And while you may say I am jumping the gun to say that it will be my “career,” I am envisioning it, I am thinking positively, and I know good will come of it – it may look different down the line, but it will still be good.
So, Dear Ones, Be Not Afraid.
Envision your future.
Believe in You.
Believe in your Dreams, no matter how unreal they may seem at the time.
And most importantly, make decisions based on Authenticity not Fear.
Tell ’em Goethe sent you.