Just a quickie

No, not that kind (get your head out of the gutter).

No, this is just a quick, boastful post to say…

I GOT PUBLISHED!

In Mama Says (this is the link to their blog, not the zine itself). My understanding is it is just a small Vermont publication, but I don’t care. You have to start somewhere, right? and a homegrown zine in my own state is as good a start as any. It is an essay on talking to my children about God and religion. I can’t wait to actually see my name in print.

And, on another happy note: It is official… I will be teaching a journal workshop at the end of February. I will be listed on the Writer’s Center website with bio and everything (not that I have much of a bio).

I believe the life of my dreams is beginning to unfold. Ironically, it is happening at the same time as my day job, my dream job, is becoming a bit of a nightmare. It seems serendipity is poking in its nose making sure I am fulfilled and feeling appreciated at a time when I could be feeling far from it. And I have more proof of this.

Even though I am tired from work, battling children and housework, I have started singing again. Like Agnetha from Abba, I could sing almost before I could talk and I have been singing alone or in a group my whole adult life. My highest achievement was singing with the Vermont Symphony Orchestra chorus, which I had to leave when my unborn child insisted on sleeping on my lungs. Since then, I haven’t sung much at all (which I will also blame on my children). But recently I joined a church choir that has an amazing reputation and an even greater repertoire. A few weeks ago after the performance of Messiah, the soloist approached me and hugged me because she, amazingly, remembered me from my VSO days (over 6 years ago). She told me she remembered I had a beautiful voice and was glad I was singing with Rip (the incredibly talented director of the church choir). I don’t know where this will lead but I’ll keep singing and wait to find out.

I tell you this, not to boast, but to prove my point: DO WHAT YOU LOVE… you WILL have success!

Waiting for the serendipity to stir

I realized I hadn’t said much about serendipity or positive thinking lately. Since I started the job that was the result of a serendipitous event, life has become kind of run of the mill. Despite having not worked (out of the home) for 4 years I have slipped back into the routine and mindset of being in an office as if I just returned from a extended vacation. Thankfully this job has yet to stress me out like my last “real” job where I had publication deadlines, front-of-house crowd control issues, and the pressure of being a new, working, breast-pumping mother.

Even so, I think I’m a little down. I had finally started writing – or at least got my head in a place where I was (truly) ready to start – and now I’m wrestling The Schedule. I have marked up my planner until it looks like the departure board at Logan airport, blocking out every hour with this chore, that errand, appointments, work, and writing. But then that errand takes an hour longer than it should (due to the rice having been moved from aisle 4 to aisle 13 and pizza dough apparently no longer made) or a staff meeting and work project running over time, shrinking the scheduled writing time from three hours to one (which, of course, means no writing).

I’m glad I’m working and I especially can’t wait to write a grant. Plus, we definitely needed the extra paycheck to get through this heating season. But I also feel that maybe – once again – I have put my own dream on hold. Did I do this on purpose; subconsciously sabotaging myself because I was getting too close to actually doing what I have dreamed of?

When you no longer have an excuse to fall back on, the responsibility of a dream can loom large and scary.

I think I have stopped thinking positively and looking for serendipity because my life has become, well, normal, and a normal life – boring life – doesn’t foster spiritual thoughts. But I’m pretty sure that’s where I’m making a mistake. If I did start thinking more positively about merging my working, mothering, and writing lives into a more do-able, less scary whole, I would most likely start to see the serendipity stir.

Serendipity

Something amazing has happened.

The universe saw that I, despite the Fear, was working toward my goal of becoming a writer and journal-writing teacher/therapist; believing in myself and my abilities. I cannot tell the whole story yet as nothing is official.

I have been trying hard to believe in what some call “manifesting” for many years. Long before the book The Secret hit the scene, I had read the same thing over and over: if you do what you love, success will come, the universe will align in your favor… Marsha Sinetar, Julia Cameron, Sarah Ban Breathnach; they’ve all said it and I’ve seen it.

I have been journaling for years so I have written evidence that when I have made decisions based on my dreams, not my fear, eventually – the good is not always immediately apparent – the road has turned in that direction, seemingly through no imput of mine… serendipity.

Take, for example, my family’s crazy, asinine decision to move to Mississippi, of all places. We quit our jobs, rented out our house and hauled every last one of our belongings 1500 miles south to go live in a swamp. Why? Because we were both unhappy in our jobs (I wanted to be writing or least doing something more creative), we were sick of our drafty shack of a house, and I wanted to be home with our new daughter. Three years later, I am here having pursued various artistic ventures, and continuing to do so. I had to leave home to understand my true dreams and to trust them. To know what I truly wanted in life. And my husband? It worked for him too. He now has a Master’s degree and is enjoying a new career.

We’ve moved back home now; another step out into the dark but one that yielded – and continues to yield – more success.

We took risks – a step away from stability, the known, the rut – and we have been rewarded with a new stabilty. Fulfillment.

Serendipity.