Why we fail

Innocent until proven guilty, right? We all know that it is human nature is to operate under the opposite tenet. And we also tend to prefer Believe Once Proven.

We all have things in our life that we want to change, or at least think we do. A bad habit, those extra pounds, time spent playing video games, smoking, or even a certain way of thinking. And why we do fail time after time? Because we won’t believe we can kick the habit or change our behavior until we have proven that we can. Believe Once Proven.

Well, obviously that system doesn’t work so well. As Dr. Phil says, How’s that working for ya? If we don’t believe we can do something until we see that we can, we never will.  You have to believe first.

Know why you will eat that donut even after you have said, I will not eat that donut, over and over again? Because you are focused on the donut. You brain doesn’t hear the “not” and says, OK, Eat Donut! Turn it around and say, I WILL eat the yummy almonds I packed for myself today. I WILL go for a walk instead of turning on the computer. I WILL have a cup of cozy tea instead of a glass of wine.

But first..

First you have to recognize there is something wrong or missing. Then you must truly want to change. Only then can you take the next step. This is where writing comes in. If you are writing from a place of truth (meaning you are being honest with yourself in your journal) you will know when something is wrong. You will also know when you are ready to make the change. If you have acknowledged a problem but don’t seem ready to face it yet, use your journal to explore this. Ask, why am I not ready to make this change?

But when you are ready, keep writing to help you through the next steps of committing to change and to hold yourself accountable.

Focus on the positive always. What you CAN do, not what you can’t or what you won’t do.

This doesn’t just apply to breaking habits or changing behaviors, it is just as effective in how you change your future for yourself. Yes, change your future for yourself.

Write out your positive statements. Write about why you want this change. Write yourself a love letter telling yourself that even with this issue (whatever it is) you are still a beautiful person and why you deserve the best life you can possibly have. Believe you have the ability to reach your potential.

Dear [your name], I love you. Even though I _____ more/less than I would like at this moment, I love and accept myself. I haven’t reached my potential yet, but I have the ability, the drive, and the self-love to do this for myself…

Yes, I will…!

Yes, I can…!

Use the incredible power of your mind to make your life whatever you want it to look like. Believe in yourself and prove you are capable of unbelievable things. Plug into your own incredible power.

Here’s a new tenet to live by: Proven Once Believed.

I believe in serendipity, in the power of positive thinking and envisioning your future. In this blog I have attempted to pass along my own experiences to serve as inspiration to anyone who is ready to receive it. I knew there were a few out there who also followed these principals and either saw them enacted in their own lives or were searching for it. I have also recently become aware that there is a move in the community conscious towards these things. The Secret and What the [Bleep] Do We Know are two examples of Quantum Physics and science of positive thinking being brought to, and beginning to be accepted, in the mainstream population. I don’t pretend to understand the science behind how thoughts effect our energy but I have personal evidence and a strange feeling like this is something I have always known but didn’t know I knew. That’s all I need.

But in general, in my little corner of the globe, I felt I was alone with my new “wierd” (hippie/new age) thoughts. Then over the last month some crazy things have happened:

1. Hubby left his job as an employee to become a private practitioner at a Holistic Wellness Center. He is not by training a holistic healer, he is just open to many options and has always been spiritual in nature. Daily he is surrounded by spiritually-minded people and he is happier than he has ever been.

2. Hubby starts coming home telling me things about positive thinking and I’m like: Hey! Preaching to the choir, bud! I’ve been telling you you can achieve this kind of understanding through journaling for, oh, I don’t know, ever!

3. Through this new job he is recruited to become a founder of a new venture: The Center for Spiritual Unfolding (much more to come on this – it’s gonna be good!). I am asked to join the board.

4. Hubby brings home The Secret on his iPod and I begin to listen to it (I had not read it). I’m listening to what I have discovered by myself but increased in power and possibility to almost the point of “it’s too good to be true!”

5. I have a meeting with a minister to arrange for the possibility of my journal workshop being held at the church. He asks about my religious background. No judgment. He understands. Our conversation is great and a relief. While assimilating our talk I begin to – for the very first time with clarity – see how the tattered strands of my religious beliefs could tie to my new belief system (eg. prayer is just positive thoughts being sent out into the Universe).

6. I attend the WBON conference: Making your Vision a Reality. Business women? Yes. Passionate? Yes. Spiritual? Yes! Every speaker spoke of the incredible power of envisioning and positive thinking. Vision boards, meditation, gratitude journals, affirmations, self love, self care, yes, even quantum physics and the power of positive energy in our personal and business lives. These women were talking MY language!! I drove home on a high!

My worlds have come together. First Hubby and I get on the same page, even working out of the same building, reading the same books, and journaling to make sense of it all. Then the realization that there are others just like me – passionate, creative people who are took a leap of faith to start their own businesses and who believe with every cell of their bodies that some higher power gave them wings with which to make the impossible possible.

So why the tears this morning? I think the immensity of my dreams and new-found knowledge suddenly felt squashed by the reality of my everyday life. My mind is spinning with possibility while my son is threatening his sister with a booger-finger and she in turn is squealing with a pitch that could shatter her plastic cup.  The calm and commaradie I experienced for eight wonderful hours yesterday was instantly washed away in a tsunami of missing boots and splattered oatmeal.

It’s a fragile animal, this soul-body we live in. I have a fabulous, inspiring, enlightening experience, I come home excited and so ready to get on with my life and then whap! I’m crying, angry, anxious, and ready to crawl under my bed covers for the rest of this roller-coaster ride called Life. But I recognize this feeling, I’ve had it before and thankfully I now know the nausea and the tears are just the big-toe in a cold sea. It hurts at first then it starts to feel good and soon you are floating, face to the sun, content – and fulfilled. (Shortly after I wrote that miserable post I quit my job and launched Wisdom, Within, Ink.)

I am choosing to believe the tears and anxiety was just fear having a final say before exiting my body…

But above all I love starting a new journal! For the past few years I have just continued using the current journal until a) I ran out of pages or b) I got bored of it and excitedly bought myself a new one just ‘cuz. With a 1/6 of my journal still empty I had planned to keep write on going in that one, but then I realized this January 1 is special: Not only the start of a new year, but also a new decade, and for Hubby and I, a new life.

I went out and purchased an unusual journal (for me). It is full-sized (8×11) and the brown and pink polka-dotted 1977-esque front cover is more “fun” than I usually go for. But for some reason I was drawn to it (I believe we are pulled towards what we need). The large pages reflect the size of my hopes for this year and decade and the whimsical cover is for the fun I plan to have pursuing them.

On New Year’s Eve I spent a few hours in blissful solitude christening my new journal. I wrote four titles:

Mental

Emotional/Social

Physical

Spiritual

For each topic I wrote sub-titles: Current Status and Goals. Within that structure I let my pen go wild. I assessed where I was and how I was feeling about each area of my life. I wrote and wrote. I then used those thoughts to determine goals for the coming year.

I know the large pages of my new journal helped me think big(ger). I felt free – unrestricted.

From there I started a new page for just Work. I wrote down every project, workshop and collaboration that is either a done deal, in the works, or a possibility. The golden potential of this list inspired and exhilarated me! From here I moved onto Work Goals for January. The list was long but do-able. I was anxious to get started right away.

When we give ourselves a PURPOSE (or MISSION) and look forward with INTENT, the path in our mind’s eye and in reality becomes clearer. Written goals are a way to clarify these things.

So, now onto to 20-10! Forget those resolutions. Set goals. Do-able goals. Goals that look towards your dreams.

And if you wander off the path on the way towards your goals, don’t give up! Just get back on where and when you can or find a different path that leads in the same direction (or a slightly different one – you have the prerogative to change your mind).

And always make sure you have your MAP (Marker And Paper) or GPS (Good Pen [and] Stationary) (goodness, those were lame!) aka: your journal to help you find your way.

(Also read my Examiner.com article on making goals)

It is the mission of Wisdom Within, Ink to (re)introduce the healing, creative and empowering art of journal writing to those wishing to discover their authentic self.

Why do companies write mission statements? To determine their intentions, their purpose, their raison d’etre. To lay down a path, to map out a route, to provide an itinerary. If you don’t have a clear idea of why and where you are going you could get completely lost. Yes, you can wander a little but as long as you keep your sense of direction you will have a more successful journey.

Of course, you don’t have to be a company to have a Mission. It is a very good idea to give your personal life direction by putting in writing your personal statement also. Here’s mine:

To pursue those activities that bring me joy and fulfillment while caring for myself, my family and my community. I will honor my body, mind and spirit knowing that when I am personally whole I will be a better wife, mother and business woman.

What’s your Mission Statement? Spend some time thinking through what you want out of your life and the direction you intend to go. Your statement can be long or short or in any format you wish: A sentence, paragraph, bullet points, a picture even. Your family can have a statement also. Gather around the table and as a committee co-write your family’s purpose and intent for a better life.

For more information on writing mission statements, read my Examiner article.

Envisioning and believing in your dream WILL make it happen!

When I was a little girl I had a recurring dream that an “office” came down from the sky and landed in my back yard. Inside was endless supplies of paper, pens, pencils, staples, buttons to push, and phones to chat on. I can still see this magical place clearly. When someone asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up, my answer was a secretary.  In 1978, this was the only definition I had to fit a woman who played with pens and paper.

30 years later I know that being a secretary isn’t the game I want to play or my only choice. Throughout most of my 20s I was indeed a secretary, and a glorified and more creative version of one as I neared 30.  But for the past 17 years I have known – and told everyone freely – that I want to be a writer. Then I moved up to become an Aspiring Writer. Eventually, in the past year I have made the final transformation to Writer. I named myself, wrote it down, and it happened.

From the moment the family leaves the house for the day I am writing. I write, therefore I am a Writer!

When I worked in a cubicle, the daily monotony and lack of creativity dragging me into despair, I would daydream about the day when I would be sitting at my own desk. In this vision everyday was different, a different project – a little art, a little design, and a lot of writing. I was busy, happily busy. And pursuing my potential.

As I write these words I can say I am living my dream. Yes, the daily drudge is still close at hand (literally: Two overflowing laundry baskets taunt me from across the room) and bills have to be paid, screaming children corralled and hair tangles combed out. But no boss is waiting for me to show up for another day of torture.

And the best part: When you commit to your dream, it commits to you.

In the year that I finally admitted I was a Writer and the six months since I left my job these are the doors that have opened (both through networking and doing nothing at all other than just being authentic and a little help from good old Serendipity):

1. Three articles published in small ‘zine

2. One article published in local paper

3. Query accepted by major magazine

4. Taught numerous workshops

5. Lined up to teach workshops and training sessions at various non-profit organizations in coming year (with a number more in the works), including one which could extend to multiple school districts

6. Asked to become a ghostwriter for a marketing company

I tell you these things not to boast. I tell you to set myself as an example of someone who has long dreamed a dream, had a Purpose, and made it a reality. Of course it takes hard work too (getting out of the house at 6am on a frosty morning in order to drive to a meeting is not fun!) but the prize is living how you want to, seizing your potential by the hand and walking down your own path to the place where the grass is greener.

Yesterday while I was teaching a workshop I shared a Perspective I had written on 10.23.08 but had dated 10.23.09. I discovered much of it had come true.

A Perspective is a journal entry written from different angle, in this case, from a future date. (There are other forms of Perspectives but I’ll leave those for later post.) You write the entry as if it is that date, making note of how your life is in this “unknown” future. This is where you can imagine where you might be, what you might be doing, and how you got there.

While reading my journal entry, I discovered something important: Only the things that were truly meaningful to me had occurred (or were well on their way to happening). For example, the very first sentence of my entry stated I had been published. In October 2008 I was not published, however, by October 23, 2009 I had three articles in print. I also wrote that I was no longer working outside the home, and instead working as a writer and workshop leader, even though at time I was barely a month into a new job.

Further into my writing I stated I was successfully and efficiently keeping the housework under control. Oh, don’t I wish! Well, actually I do kinda wish, but this is where my authenticity can’t be disguised – I am not a good housewife and I don’t really care (that much). If keeping my house in order was a true ambition I would have somehow made it happen.

Purpose and intent: This is what makes the difference.

So, while channeling your authentic purpose, date your page one year from today and write…

(Be sure to save it and revisit it one year from now to see what a prophet you are!)

It was a difficult morning: One child refusing to put his coat on until the sticker on his hand was moved to the safety of the edge of the table, the other drawing pictures in my writing notebook and cluttering up my desk with paper cuttings and staples, and Hubby telling me I’m on a rant and to please stop yelling (I wasn’t – I was just being empathic). But, ahhhh, they’re gone to their respective houses of education, play, and work. Another cup of coffee, some NPR, and my laptop.

I open my email to read this:

…if you’d like to write up a formal query…

Words from my dreams. (Well, in my perfect world dreams the words actually would be: No query necessary! Just send it, we’ll publish it!) I have been waiting for an opportunity like this and what am I doing? Freaking out!

I don’t remember how to write a query. What if the query sucks? Should I write the article first, then query, or should I just bang out an outline and hope I can stick to it later *when* (positive thinking) they accept my idea? What if they don’t accept my idea? Maybe I shouldn’t raise my hopes like that… no, no, no, silly, of course you’ll send it in! What an idiot to even contemplate not trying. I wasn’t really, you know that, don’t you? OK, what do I do first? Look up a good query letter… OKOKOK, I can do this…

I have imagined and written about this moment for so long. Now it’s here and I’m not sure what to do with it. I’m judging myself before I even begin. I told the Universe I was a Writer and in the same 24-hours I receive two emails, one saying my article will be published next month, the other asking for a query to present to the editors. My future is happening. Now.

So, now that I have procrastinated long enough writing this post, I will sign off and write the best damn query and outline they have ever seen!

I have to admit this town is the last place on earth I wanted to move to. It is blue-collar through and through. Although I must offer kudos to Walmart for agreeing to move into a small town center and thus helping it survive, downtown revolves around the retail ogre. Teen mothers sit in the park ignoring their offspring while smoking and acting like the kids that they are, and the parking lot hosts more pickup trucks than Volvos. It was in this parking lot that I overheard – overheard being an vast overstatement as I did not have to strain my eardrums in the least to hear the following proclamation from a large, straggly woman pushing a filthy stroller carrying an equally grubby child:

It’s not like I’m an abuser. I only hit him a couple of times.

I don’t mean to be a snob but if  my preferences run to clean children, caring couples, coffee cafes, and classy concerts, then yup, guilty as charged!

But we were brought to this town by Fate, Providence, Serendipity (or the lack of other options at the time), and so here we are. And we are trying to make the best of it.

One and a half years after moving here, early September weekends found us with multiple dinner plans, either at our house or away. Four couples, eight kids, all new – non-smoking, non-swearing, intelligent, interesting, and fun – friends. October has delivered party and brunch invitations. Good food, good conversation, and plenty of playtime for the kids. Ahhhh. We are starting to settle in, to belong, and to discover all the good things about this place.

And then Hubby’s job went down the shitter.

The job search was on! Each time Hubby looked at want ads I cringed. Jobs in his field are scarce here and most openings are at least an hour’s commute. We were looking at the possibility of having to heave ourselves up and out – again.

Despite everything I have said about this town, I do not want to move! I don’t want to start all over again. Finding friends, discovering the best places to hike, the children adjusting to new schools, networking for business connections, not to mention the physical horror of moving itself… ACK.

It is now the last week in October and the active job search is over. Hubby has gone with his heart instead of making an unauthentic decision based on fear (i.e. taking a job he wasn’t really interested in just for the security of it). And it’s working! Yes, he only has a few clients but the referrals are coming in everyday and best of all, he is HAPPY. The gray stress of his former employment situation has fallen from his face and his cheeks are pink again. He said this morning he finally feels free.

Very poor, but free!

And this means we are now free to continue constructing the life we had started. Everyday is another opportunity to deepen friendships and establish new connections. In my recent frenzy of networking for my own business I have discovered that building community is isn’t just business vs. personal life. Friendships bring you business and business brings you friends – IF you are doing both authentically and honestly.

Community is a web where each strand is connected and reliant on the others for strength. When people care for and trust one another we are capable of helping each other live authentically. When we look out for our neighbors and our friends and give them all the support and encouragement they need to fulfill their own potential, we are building for ourselves the best community there is. The fact that Walmart is the physical center of town is of little significance when meaningful conversation over a good meal is at the real center of our lives.

No, I don’t want to move. As any spider knows, building a web is a time-consuming, energy-sapping process. It takes commitment and a good work ethic. But at the end of the day you can sit back and relax knowing you have created a Home.

(And for those of you who are planning to have children in future, PLEASE DO NOT take for granted the freedom you have now. Make the most of your alone time, the quiet, the ability to go out on a whim, and the fact that your things stay put and unbroken.)

“Perspectives” is a way of envisioning your future, the way you would like it to look. In this post I prompted you to envision a path for yourself. How I want you to get more specific.

In your journal date a page 1 year, 5 years, or even 10 years from today (ex. August 6, 2014). Now just starting writing. What’s the weather like, where are you living, what did you say to your partner/friend/self…? Just have fun with it. Imagine what your life will be like – and imagine BIG because it’s hard to aim at a far-off target if it’s too small.

(For an example of how Perspectives have worked in my own life, go here.)

Please feel free to leave a comment on how these journal prompts are working for you. And if you feel moved to, please share your writings!

Now, back to manifesting your future.

In order to create a path towards what you desire you have to first envision what that is.

In the process of making a commitment to discover our purpose, we need to dream. We need to make images, try on various fantasies, explore… Vision starts with a vague sense of something desired, something missing, a hole we want to fill…
Christina Baldwin

So, let’s start dreaming.

There is a path(s) before me. On my travel along it/them, I see…