I have heard – and experienced – that it takes about two years to break into a community. When we first moved back to Vermont, although living in a town just 20-minutes from where I went to high school, we might as well as been in the middle of Alaska for how connected and at home I felt. I wasn’t close with any of my childhood friends and most of my class of 100 or so had moved away to larger pastures anyway.
I have to admit this town is the last place on earth I wanted to move to. It is blue-collar through and through. Although I must offer kudos to Walmart for agreeing to move into a small town center and thus helping it survive, downtown revolves around the retail ogre. Teen mothers sit in the park ignoring their offspring while smoking and acting like the kids that they are, and the parking lot hosts more pickup trucks than Volvos. It was in this parking lot that I overheard – overheard being an vast overstatement as I did not have to strain my eardrums in the least to hear the following proclamation from a large, straggly woman pushing a filthy stroller carrying an equally grubby child:
It’s not like I’m an abuser. I only hit him a couple of times.
I don’t mean to be a snob but if my preferences run to clean children, caring couples, coffee cafes, and classy concerts, then yup, guilty as charged!
But we were brought to this town by Fate, Providence, Serendipity (or the lack of other options at the time), and so here we are. And we are trying to make the best of it.
One and a half years after moving here, early September weekends found us with multiple dinner plans, either at our house or away. Four couples, eight kids, all new – non-smoking, non-swearing, intelligent, interesting, and fun – friends. October has delivered party and brunch invitations. Good food, good conversation, and plenty of playtime for the kids. Ahhhh. We are starting to settle in, to belong, and to discover all the good things about this place.
And then Hubby’s job went down the shitter.
The job search was on! Each time Hubby looked at want ads I cringed. Jobs in his field are scarce here and most openings are at least an hour’s commute. We were looking at the possibility of having to heave ourselves up and out – again.
Despite everything I have said about this town, I do not want to move! I don’t want to start all over again. Finding friends, discovering the best places to hike, the children adjusting to new schools, networking for business connections, not to mention the physical horror of moving itself… ACK.
It is now the last week in October and the active job search is over. Hubby has gone with his heart instead of making an unauthentic decision based on fear (i.e. taking a job he wasn’t really interested in just for the security of it). And it’s working! Yes, he only has a few clients but the referrals are coming in everyday and best of all, he is HAPPY. The gray stress of his former employment situation has fallen from his face and his cheeks are pink again. He said this morning he finally feels free.
Very poor, but free!
And this means we are now free to continue constructing the life we had started. Everyday is another opportunity to deepen friendships and establish new connections. In my recent frenzy of networking for my own business I have discovered that building community is isn’t just business vs. personal life. Friendships bring you business and business brings you friends – IF you are doing both authentically and honestly.
Community is a web where each strand is connected and reliant on the others for strength. When people care for and trust one another we are capable of helping each other live authentically. When we look out for our neighbors and our friends and give them all the support and encouragement they need to fulfill their own potential, we are building for ourselves the best community there is. The fact that Walmart is the physical center of town is of little significance when meaningful conversation over a good meal is at the real center of our lives.
No, I don’t want to move. As any spider knows, building a web is a time-consuming, energy-sapping process. It takes commitment and a good work ethic. But at the end of the day you can sit back and relax knowing you have created a Home.
I’m glad that you are finally happy there. Hus and I love where we are because we like peace and quiet. However, it would be nice to have at least one neighbor I enjoyed spending time with.
It would also be nice to have a movie theatre close by.LOL!
I hope you hus finds a job he likes here.
Tell H that T said “Hi”.
Let’s all think of Depot Park as the center of town, it’s vibrancy in all seasons, it’s host to the market, nearness to the vestiges of the once mighty train center that could regrow, it’s key point in the holiday parades, gatherings etc., it’s proximity to the business that still go on every day… Blessings all.
Yes, that is a much more positive way of looking at it! Thanks!